A Hogwarts Situation
by gallifrey calls now
Summary: They really wanted to finish the castle; they really did. If only Salazar would stop picking fights with Godric. Stupid children. Crack.


Summary: They really wanted to finish the castle; they really did. If only Salazar would stop picking fights with Godric. Stupid children. Crack.

"So we already established this; the students will be separated into Houses. Now, any ideas for the names of said Houses?" Godric asked.

Salazar raised an eyebrow, delicately. "Obviously, our names."

"Pfft, _yeah_, as if anyone would want to be sorted into a House called _Slytherin_."

"At least it's not Hufflepuff," Salazar pointed out, smirking.

Helga felt offended. "Salazar, please."

"I apologize," he replied, still smirking.

Rowena sighed and rubbed her forehead. "The Houses _should _be named after us; we are the founders, and the students could be selected carefully after their traits. Placed in Gryffindor for -"

" - sheer bravery and handsomeness," Godric said smoothly, smiling crookedly.

" - sheer bravery and stupidity," Rowena continued, not perturbed in the least. "In Hufflepuff for loyalty and the wish to work hard; in Slytherin for being cunning and evasive; and in Ravenclaw for smarts and wish for knowledge." 

"I completely agree," Salazar said. "Except you can cut off the bravery of Gryffindor."

Godric stopped smiling abruptly, and glared darkly at Salazar.

"Now that we are all behaving like _adults_," Helga stressed the word, hoping to get her point across, "we need to decide upon the colours of the Houses." 

"I call red and gold," Salazar smirked.

"Hey!" Godric scowled. "Those are my colours!"

Salazar's smirk widened, if possible. "Precisely."

"Well then I'm taking silver and green," Godric said stubbornly, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting childishly.

"If you must," Salazar said smoothly.

Godric's eyes twitched, but he said nothing.

Rowena sighed. "Blue and bronze."

"Yellow and black," Helga said, not deterred in the least.

"Alright," Rowena continued. "now about how we shall decide which student belongs to which House-"

"Wait a second!" Godric exploded. "I want the colours of my House back, Slytherin!"

Salazar raised an eyebrow. "If I relent them, then I will have none, since you have so dutifully claimed my colours."

"Well, that's because you stole mine first!"

"Your name wasn't written on the colours."

"For Merlin's sake!" Rowena lost her temper. "Stop behaving like a bunch of uneducated children!" 

"Buh-" Godric stammered.

"Rowena, dear, the only uneducated child in this room is our lovely friend Godric over here," Salazar dutifully informed the smart woman, who turned to glare at him.

"Salazar, you _will _give Godric's colours back to him. Godric, you _will _stop rising to Salazar's bait," Rowena growled at them both.

"When a woman asks me so nicely, the only thing I can do is do what she asks," Salazar replied. "Please, Godric, do create the most colourful badge you can think of for the sad dunderheads that will join the Ancient and Noble House of Gryffindor," Salazar relented, his words biting.

Godric scowled at him, but said nothing, if only to be spared by Rowena's wrath.

"...we should make a Sorting Hat," Helga hummed thoughtfully.

"A brilliant idea, as always, my dear colleague," Salazar told her silkily.

Helga reddened. "Oh stop it, Salazar." 

"No, it is a brilliant idea," Rowena replied. "We can place the Hat on top of the student's heads and determine the Houses. Brilliant."

"The children will truly be impressed," Godric sniggered. "A hat."

Rowena rolled her eyes at him. "Well then what do you suggest?" 

Godric's eyes twinkled. "We should have them fight _dragons_-"

"Honestly, Godric, your stupidity is reaching admirable levels," deadpanned Salazar. "They are _children_. Not warriors. You can't have them fight _dragons_."

"And what do you suggest, Mr I'm-So-Intelligent?" Godric snapped at him.

Salazar rolled his eyes. "We should obviously give them a written tests. To separate the worthy from the non-worthy."

Rowena's eye twitched in annoyance. "There are four Houses, Salazar."

"Exactly. Two for the worthy, two for the not."

"You could at least try and not badmouth me in front of me, Salazar," Helga told him, frowning slightly.

Slytherin shrugged.

Rowena sighed. "The hat will do. It will be called the Sorting Hat and it will decide on which House is appropiate for each student based on their personalities."

"Then, it is clear that no one will be in the Gryffindor House. Truly, no one can match Godric for his... idiocy," Salazar snarked.

"Okay, that's it you old man!" Godric snapped. "I challenge you!"

"I'm younger than you, Godric," Salazar drawled. "And we both know that I trump you when it comes to duelling."

Godric's eyes twinkled mischievously. "Oh, not duelling, my friend."

Salazar frowned in suspicion. "... Then what do you suggest?"

"Quidditch. One on one. We're the chasers and the keepers for our own teams."

"...that is the most stupid idea I have ever heard. Congratulations, Godric."

Helga and Rowena growled in unison, before leaving them to their own devices.

It's a wonder Hogwarts was ever finished at all.


End file.
